I quit my job yesterday. I meant to in person, and to give a two week’s notice, but after my bus was an hour late and I had been suppressing the urge to pee for an hour as well, I quickly made my way back home where I broke off my engagement with RetailMart via phone. I won’t deny that I saw the bus coming at that very moment, but the decision had been made; or rather, seeing the bus and knowing the hour-long commute that awaited me, was the catalyst for my decision.
I wrote out the break up on an envelope with a nearby lead-pencil prior to the phone call, then reciting my speech, even rehearsing the line: “Hello, may I speak to HR?”
Here is the resignation speech, verbatim (according to envelope):
“I wanted to do this in person, but I waited for my bus for over an hour and it just wasn’t coming, so I’m afraid I can’t make it today.
I am giving my notice of resignation as of today and will not be coming in tomorrow. I appreciate the opportunity to work for this company & with this team &
maybe I will again the future I would like to email a letter of resignation, is there an address I can send it to?
Once again, thank you.”
After I had gotten most of it out over the phone, trying my best not to sound as though I were reading a script, I trailed off with a “well, uh, yes” and let out a deepish breath, but through the lips as though blowing out smoke, absent-mindedly into the receiver of my cell phone.
There was a silence, the brevity of which I was grateful for, and then a poetic disyllabic acknowledgement which on paper would double as a question: “okay?”
Then what followed was a less tense and consequently less focused or noteworthy closing speech, to which the reply was an “okay, I’ll tell them (upper management?)” and then after an apology from myself that was, by all intentions professional, there was a cryptic “good luck” and my parting reply which consisted of a stunted double-goodbye and a “have a good day” that I can only hope was obliterated by the replacing of the corded phone in its cradle.
I half-believed that I would receive a phone call from one of the managers, who were, for lack of a better word, intimidating men, with business goatees.
But the day progressed normally. And today I slept until twelve in the afternoon. I also have another job lined up, so all is well.